More and more people are leaving the Meeting Church I was raised in and this process is sometimes frightening, difficult and most often done alone. Having support and validation from someone who has walked that path already is why I have created this blog. I have shared my journey of how and why I left that church and now, as I continue to discover depths about God I never knew before, I will share those things as well in order to encourage those who are walking away from a religious system to new freedom in Christ.
Darla DenHerder ~ Opening My Heart
My experience of leaving a legalistic church and supporting others on the same journey.
Darla DenHerder ~ Opening My Heart 
I find this blog so refreshing. I am struggling with leaving. I feel like i have made the seperation mentally but extracting myself physically is proving to be harder. I dont feel like going into the details here but 7 months ago four workers came and moved the meetings out of our home. Its been a betrayal i cannot begin to express. Even friends we met with for years have betrayed us. A lonely heart breaking experience. Sundays have become a sad day. Serving christ should be a joyfull experience not a weight on our heart. Peter wrote Grace and Peace be MULTIPLIED!
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You are in a place many of us who have left the meeting system once found ourselves in; the fear of leaving. My heart left a couple of years before my feet did. There’s no doubt about it; it’s huge. But the relief, the peace, the freedom all come on the other side of the decision. God WILL stand by you. Leaving the meeting community behind is very hard but it sounds like many of them have already left you. Just remember that the fear and the torment you are feeling is NOT from God. That is not how He works.
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So many things I had been reading before this experience were opening my eyes. God is a Spirit and we worship him in Spirit and in Truth. This is Salvation that they might know me- its a relationship with God that brings salvation- even near to me everday! I would so like to visit through private email.
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Hi Darla, I sure enjoy your blog! We’ll see you in June!
Kathy Geary
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I get blog updates in my email from pastor Tabiti Anyabwile from the 1st Baptist Church in Grand Cayman and a member of the Gospel Coalition. The latest had me thinking of the lack of training for the workers and then upon further reflection I saw myself and all followers as leaders as described by the blog. Here is just a part of that blog:
“On the plane ride to Raleigh, I took a look at Stephen Viars’ booklet, Leadership: How to Guide Others with Integrity. Written, in part, as a resource to military families, Viars’ has done an excellent job of applying sound biblical truth to real world leadership contexts. And despite its very concise length, the booklet manages to be quite searching. For example, I found Viars’ eight questions to diagnose whether our leadership helps people understand God better a really challenging and helpful tool. Here they are:
1.Do people understand more of God’s mercy because of the way I respond to their mistakes?
2.Do people understand more of God’s holiness because of my high ethical standards?
3.Do people understand more of God’s patience because of the time I give to grow and develop?
4.Do people understand more of God’s truthfulness because of the way I communicate honestly?
5.Do people understand more of God’s more of God’s faithfulness because they see me keep my promises?
6.Do people understand more of God’s kindness because of the tone of my voice?
7.Do people understand more of God’s love because I go out of my way to help and serve them as I lead?
8.Do people understand more of God’s grace because I avoid being harsh and unreasonably demanding?
To what extent does my leadership actually model and teach something about the character of God?”
Great questions to have handy every day!
Keep blogging Darla, you make us think as God intended.
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I do enjoy your blog!
One statement I got so sick of hearing was, “I really need a convention!” I never liked convention and could not understand how folks could make such statements. I expect you have heard that statement too many times. What does it mean to you?
I have lots of other questions for you later. keep the post coming.
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Just want to say your blog is really encouraging and helping me. I “left” when I became pregnant outside of marriage by a non-professing man. Once I became pregnant I could no longer “take part” but still attended meetings with my parents which was sometimes very awkward since everyone knew I was keeping the baby (a teen got pregnant right before I did and put the baby up for adoption so everything was fine for her). Anyway I ended up marrying her father and moving out of state. I’ve struggled with it. We’ve had multiple moves since then and now we as a family are attending church and I’m coming to terms with a lot of my past. I still struggle with guilt, etc especially when talking to my parents. It hurts knowing my parents will never fully accept me and I seriously feel made out to be this horrible awful person almost on the same level as those who steal and murder. I guess its human nature to want to please our parents and its sad when I feel like I’m being a good person, living a good life, my daughter loves God in what ways she can understand and I’m finally having a relationship with God that I’ve never had in my growing up years. Even when I was professing. Keep writing. Its helping.
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Amber,
Your post was so precious…thank you for being so open. Praise be to God for using this blog to minister however He sees fit. You have had a painful journey but with Him, you have the One with you at all times who understands EVERYTHING.
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The same thing happened to my daughter, Amber. I just could not continue to be identified with people who engaged in public humiliation. Amplifying someone’s sin is never once found in the ministry or teachings of Jesus. It was a difficult experience but it opened my eyes or I should say it began to open them. It’s been a process that has taken years. I have sinned. I know that many in the meetings would say that because of my sin, I have the wrong spirit so that is why I left and continue to stay on the “outside” . I feel so sorry for people who don’t understand the depth of the mercy and grace of God! I pray that their eyes would be opened so they could be freed. I thank Darla for starting a blog like this so that we can encourage one another too!
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Darla,
What an inspiration you are to those of us who have shared this experience. I couldn’t stop reading last night unitl I read every post. I shared many quotes with my wife. I loved your description of our love affair with Jesus and the desire to be submerged in him all the time. We know that is not practical but he is just a thought away. I often throughout the day think about him and just enjoy the thoughts that he gives me. It would be great to be in contact if that is amenable to you. I am assuming that our e-mail address is viewable by you from our replies. Please let me know if not and I will provide it in a reply.
God Bless!
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Hi, we left meeting three years ago after Jesus just wouldn’t leave us alone. So wonderful to experience grace for the first time and leave the legalism behind. Our story is long since leaving and will share more later. My wife was in for 38 years and I was in only 9. Anyway, more later …just thrilled about all of the real Gospel we’ve been exposed to since leaving…Stan and Chris Schierman – Pahoa (Big Island) Hawaii
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The first, unchecked and uncensored thought from many who talk about those who have left is this…”they have a struggle with God’s will”, or “oh yes, we could see they were struggling”. The struggle is never with God or spiritual life. The struggle is with the closed minded people and the doctrines. Amazingly and unfailingly, God has revealed Himself to these people in their seeking and asking and pondering. Thank you Darla for your vision. God can not be boxed. Jesus can not be owned. Truth is free, as Truth is Love, and Love is always free.
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Chrissy,
You have expressed yourself honestly and beautifully. Also, you have validated my purpose and longing for this blog. Please, keep writing. You have a gift.
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Thank you Darla, we share a vision indeed. A sentence I read in a book a few years ago made such an impression upon my soul, I would like to share it. The book was written by a muslim man, who was patiently explaining his traditional and cultural faith in God. He was beautifully honest and open-hearted, rejoicing in all other faiths and religions, to him it was simply respect and love for your brother or sister upon this earth. He expressed his deep sadness and regret for those in his own faith that used violence and power and hatred in the name of God. We experience this today in the world with “radical” or “extremist” muslims. The one sentence that I have never forgotten is this, “the greatest tragedy in the world today is egocentrism”. I so value what he wrote because it helped me to open my eyes even wider. See further. Feel deeper. Egocentrism builds walls.
Very high and very thick ones. These walls create a box, and sadly they often put a roof on. I always have seen the big picture, and that big picture is so big I know I am only seeing a small portion of it. I love your title “Opening my heart”. When we open our hearts and minds, our ears and our eyes, our soul bursts forth in joyous freedom. I would also like to share a quote that resonated deep within me, “My brethren is mankind, my country is the world, my religion is to do good.” In all of these words, I feel God so strongly. Even in the darkest of souls, there is light. We must look into ourselves to find God in others. And then, we find we are all the same. All so loved of God, and created to be an expression of His love. Whatever culture, race, colour and religion, we can all do one thing the same. Love. And we do. From the least to the greatest. And in the least and to the greatest measure towards others. The measure of love is love without measure.
This is the message that I love to live from my own life. It is hard. I come up against walls and buffers daily. But I know nothing can separate me from the love of God, which is shown in Jesus, a beloved son. And this truth in my heart is directed towards every soul, past, present and in the future, all sons and daughters of God.
As you so wisely say, God and Jesus are not the problem. Mankind builds the walls, but love knocks them down. And there is plenty of time and they will all be knocked down. My favourite line of a hymn is “For the love of God is broader than the measure of man’s mind”. In this I trust. Thank you for reading, and my heart rejoices in sharing with like minded and open souls, it makes up for when my soul feels heavy and burdened from the human mind around me.
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Just want say how much I ENJOYED reading your stories!
Jesus said ….and you will know THE TRUTH and THE TRUTH shall set you free!
I am so glad for my moment of this Revelation!
Darla, you have expressed my thoughts better than I can .I would love to be in touch with you!
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