Recently I have become aware, we were taught in the meeting culture to doubt God. I doubted many things about Him and about His Word, and yet I don’t think anyone would willingly admit that. I wouldn’t. The prayer of the man in the Gospel’s who said to Jesus, “Lord, I believe….help my unbelief”, is a prayer I should have been praying for decades. I do now!
What do I mean? Here is a list I came up with of areas I/we doubted:
- God’s love
- Our salvation
- God’s Power
- God’s forgiveness
- God’s Grace
- How He sees us
- Our identity in Christ
- Our calling in Christ
- Our gifting
- Freedom in Christ
- Answered prayers/answers to prayer
- Open doors/closed doors
- Christ’s completed work for us
- God’s promises
- Whether He was really enough
- His ability to help in difficult situations
- That He wants to hear about all of my life
- That He will help & intercede in all areas of my life
- That He could make me whole
Jesus said in Matthew 21:21-22 “If you have faith and do not doubt…if you believe, you will receive whatever you ask in prayer.” That is an amazing promise. Do I believe it?
He said to Peter in Matthew 14:31, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?” I don’t want my precious Jesus to keep asking me that question.
The very first thing Satan did to humanity in the garden was to raise doubts.
John the Baptist had doubts (Luke 7:18-23) but “his doubts were natural and Jesus didn’t rebuke him for them. Instead, he responded in a way that John would understand. God can handle our doubts, and he welcomes our questions. Only as you face your doubts honestly can you begin to resolve them. “ (NIV Life Application Study Bible)
I might take some of those items listed above and write about them more later but for now, it was good for me to spend some time thinking about how and why I doubted God’s love for me.
Jeremiah 31:3 says, “God loves us with an everlasting love.” John 15:9 Jesus said, “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love.”
Remain there. Don’t wander away from that love. Don’t mess it up. I doubted that He loved me all the time and that His love was unconditional. I found it so hard to wrap my mind around the fact that I didn’t have to earn His love. I couldn’t even begin to grasp how deep, wide, long His love for me was. If I had, I would have been a much more secure person and wouldn’t have needed the approval of others so much. I would have been able to love others uncondionally. Also, I would have known more joy and peace in my life.
Everyone flourishes when they feel truly loved and yet somehow in the meeting group, the love of God was downplayed. I remember hearing things like, ‘Sure, God loves us. He loves everyone, even those He has to send to a lost eternity.’ One man said, ‘You can always tell when someone is about ready to quit professing because they start talking about the love of God all the time.’ In a sense, that is true because some of us started learning and experiencing God’s love for the first time then.
Doubts keep God very small in our minds, which in turn keeps our joy small and keeps our own one-on-one experiences with Him very far and few between. Doubts make us anxious and preoccupied with what we think we need to do to orchestrate events rather than trusting God to do it. Doubting saps our strength spiritually and even physically because we are in such a negative place. We can’t see the miracles of God in our lives or the hand of God everywhere.
I need to bring all my doubts to the Light and let that Light dispel all the darkness.
Satan has capitalized on this one big time in the group and it is tragic. We CAN take God literally. We CAN take His Word literally. Take His promises literally. We CAN trust Him.
May we bring all of our doubts to Him and may He, through His Word and His Spirit, remove them.
Darla DenHerder ~ Opening My Heart 
Hello Darla;
This is a beautiful post. Thank you.
Birdie
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I like the name of this entry. They love to talk about their doubts in meeting. The first eye opener for me was when a good friend left the meetings and wrote a letter describing the prayer and searching that she had done to come to this decision and she felt at peace for the first time in years. The response, “its a false peace.” Let me first say, at that particular time, I agreed with many of her problems with the fellowship, but I in no way ever expected that I would or should ever leave. In spite of that I was mind blown by the response. I will never forget my thought, “who are you to doubt the answer to her prayers.” Your list highlights that among many other thing that they doubt and I am rapidly realizing that these limiting beliefs serve only to keep the Holy Spirit from having his perfect work in us. I heard a quote from a Youtube sermon that went something like this: “Beware the leaven of the Pharisees: A religious system where God is at the center, but he is impersonal and powerless.” I think this perfectly describes the system in which we all where indoctrinated. God is the focus, but they doubt his love for us, his desire to save us, his desire to answer our prayers, his desire to have a close relationship with us. I guess your list pretty well sums it up.
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I posted earlier in another thread about the struggle I have listening to the “we” instead of the “I” testimonies. Your post here Darla reminded me of something else I wanted to say. I speak in the meetings of “presently being in Christ”, “being of Christ”, “joy and happiness is my life now because of Christ”, “I have so much happiness”, “I am free”, “I am so grateful for the present work of God in my life”, “I have been saved from myself” and so on. This is rather an oddity to others who are not present in this Truth of Love. I listen to “I want to find…”, “I am so unworthy”, “I pray to be…”, “I hope for…”, “I need to find..”, “I hope I am worthy”, and so on. All of these thoughts and beliefs come from your list of doubts. As one good friend put it “because they are not sure if they are saved or not”. Once again, this can all be traced back to the emphasis on the group and the church and it’s activities, rather than the personal spiritual relationship. Some of the most wonderful words I have heard were these…”when we moved to an area where there were no “friends” we certainly found out what Truth was and what it meant to us”. Thank you again Darla for these opportunities to write.
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About 7 or so years ago I was at a red light near where we lived and I vividly remember praying to God; “I believe God, help thou my unbelief”. Of course, at that time I thought it was my unwillingness that caused these deep doubts I was experiencing. How encouraging it is to finally realize, this was the prompting of the Spirit, NOT UNWILLINGNESS.
Once again Darla, you have pinpointed another of the many negative things we felt while in meetings, It would be an interesting topic to list and discuss the times that we had doubts, confusion, lack of fulfillment, etc. that we now know were promptings of the Spirit which eventually caused us to finally run to the arms of Christ and finally put our full faith and trust in him and him alone (Father, Son and Holy Spirit).
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Many of my earliest impressions were of Hypocrisy. One thing was spoken but another practiced. One thing was proclaimed as belief but behind closed doors or away from the view of F&W another thing was confessed. This was constant and consistent. Workers hid things from friends and friends hid things from workers. Parents hid things from children and children hid things from parents. Doctrine is uncertain and varied from overseer to overseer and region to region, sometimes field to field. Rules and traditions are uncertain. Punishment was inconsistent. People claimed to love their brothers and sisters in Christ but spent hours gossiping. Love was not much in evidence among many F&W to each other nor to “the world”. It is no wonder that there are questions, doubts, and fear! How could the same Spirit and Truth be guiding? How can anyone have true conviction amidst so much hypocrisy? Thankfully, a direct, honest, and deep relationship with Christ can reveal real TRUTH! Developing a deep faith in the saving Grace of Christ can take time and effort but being convicted of real doctrine taught by Christ brings a peace and confidence that can replace doubt and fear. Our lives become fuller, richer, and deeper as we rid ourselves of hypocrisy and all the negativity associated with it! My experience may not have been everyone’s but other “friends” have confided they observed the same thing.
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What isn’t said is often as important as what is said. Once you realize what isn’t being spoken on, such as the power of the indwelling Spirit, the atoning work of Christ, Paul’s gospel of grace, etc., it is startling.
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I love your post. Very true.
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I had a worker tell me once that God/Jesus doesn’t know every thing but in prayer she asked that God would show us the big picture. I wonder how HE can show us the big picture if He doesn’t know it himself.
I would rather say He knows everything and be wrong than say He doesn’t know everything and be wrong!
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I am sure you know about back-masking? I feel there is a silent, incredibly subtle, manipulative, hidden message behind the message spoken in the meetings and behind the lives of those ministering. It reminds me of back-masking. This is a really dangerous thing and actually really messes with peoples minds. I can’t even describe what I mean. It is where guilt, and pressure comes from. And it becomes a really powerful stronghold. It consequently works its evil magic right into homes and hearts of the vulnerable people.
All you have said about doubt is so true.
If anyone actually ponders upon and entertains any of these doubts, once you are “professing” you cannot bring the topics up and ask questions, as then you are considered a trouble maker. So, doubts and questions must remain unspoken and consequently, can begin a slow festering, which eventually must come to some kind of a head… Often not a good one!
(To have questions about doctrine and some of what you have listed above in very, very discouraged. How many times does one hear, “The Gospel is so simple. Stop making it complicated with wanting to know more?” )
It is a sad, sad thing and breaks my heart seeing so many in this stuck situation.
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