From 3-4-06 journal entry
“I am still trying to process everything from the other day. (note: I have no idea now what I was referring to as far as what happened ‘the other day’) I am desperate for answers and for God’s guidance in this. At Bible study the other night, Beth Moore was talking about this very thing; getting God’s answers when it’s not in black and white. She said the answers are in God’s Word either in context or in concept.
I am so scared of being deceived. But the thought comes to my mind that maybe I already was deceived a bit? Deceived into thinking belonging to one fellowship is what will save me. I had to go to meetings in order to be saved. It was the only God sanctioned way. But God said He was well pleased with His Son and to follow Him. We thought we were. Oh, I need the mind of Christ. I need God alone to lead me in this. His Word and His Son. I just want to quit this double life; trying to please the friends and trying to live in the freedom of Christ.
That quote, “God’s answers are in God’s Word either in context or in concept”, is extremely helpful. I was beginning to understand the very character of God and I found myself searching for that more and more. I still do. By looking at the very character of Jesus; what was He really saying or meaning, what was truly most important to Him? Was it in keeping the form of something (the homeless ministry, the meeting in the home) or the very spirit of being generous and selfless? And, truly worshipping God no matter where you were?
I was praying constantly during those weeks/months to God that He would not let me be deceived by anyone; friends, workers, my new friends at the new church, authors, coworkers at my job or by Satan himself. And because I was praying that with a totally pure motive, I chose to believe He would answer that prayer. Why wouldn’t He? I can remember so clearly one day hearing Him say, “But Darla, you already are.” Oh my. That obviously stopped me in my tracks. He was taking me to a place so much deeper than I had ever gone before.
I still pray that prayer. Only now I am aware that I can deceive myself in areas of how I view myself, my life, my calling, my value to God. I can be deceived by lures of the media convincing me I have to have a certain thing. I can be deceived in thinking some things don’t matter to God, when in reality everything matters to God and He longs for me to talk to Him about everything. Or that there are things I have to do in my own strength and willpower, when in reality I can’t do anything worthwhile and lasting without His power. I still have so much to learn.