From 5-13-06 and 5-17-06 journal entries
“I’m wrestling with the issue of whether or not I need to keep going to meetings. I have been seriously wrestling with this for quite some time. What is clear to me is this; I am only struggling with where I am going to worship and with whom I am going to have fellowship with. My heart is His. My worship goes to Him. I want to be totally passionate for Him and Him alone. This is not about choosing Him. I already have done that. It’s just who do I fellowship with here on earth? Where does He need me in the body of Christ?
In John 4 Jesus is talking to the Samaritan woman and she says that the Jews say you have to worship in Jerusalem. The Samaritans say you have to worship on a certain mountain. Jesus made it very clear in that account that the place was not the issue. It was the condition of the heart. The Father was and is seeking those who will worship Him in spirit and in truth. It was so clear to me this morning that it is not about where we meet.”
I often remember a testimony a man in my Sunday morning gave and he said, “On the way to meeting this morning we passed a church and there was a sign in front that announced the worship service time. I am so thankful we have not come to a worship service.” My mouth almost literally fell open but I hoped he had no idea what he really said. It did make clear how little the fellowship thought about or knew about true worship. Somehow worship was associated with being religious. It went back to the issue of focus; the focus being on the group rather than on Him.
Discovering worship has been one of my greatest thrills and one of the most meaningful activities for me. It is so right. Worshipping and praising God in song and in prayer. Period. Giving thanks. I saw others in the other church I was attending raise their hands during worship and oh I wanted to! For a long time I wanted to but it felt so awkward. However, once I did raise my hand(s) it felt so RIGHT! At last I had a physical avenue to express what I was feeling inside. I was becoming “religious” and I was loving it!