9-17-05 journal entry
“I was sitting in Gospel meeting yesterday and looking at “Brother Worker”, whom I greatly respect but he looked so bored. Flat lined. His message was fine but I found myself wondering how many times he had delivered that same message. The singing was without enthusiasm. Only thing hearty were the amen’s. I was so conscious that he brought the glad tidings but without the great joy. “
As I re-read that entry, I realize now that he may have looked bored but that was pretty judgmental of me to assume he was bored. I knew him well enough to know he was a very calm predictable individual. Not the excitable type. Very much in control of his emotions. Nothing wrong with all of that.
I was just so weary of flat lined church. I think there was some Pentecostal in me all along! (No, I don’t go to a Pentecostal church now but I do raise my hands in worship sometimes.) I wanted to be happy and excited about God because NOTHING in life is better than Him! Somewhere along the line it was decided that “all things being done decently and in order” meant no show of emotion in church. Joy or sorrow! It wasn’t always that way because I remember hearing stories about some pretty passionate sermons by those early workers.
The Jesus being preached now by the workers seems to be a flat lined Jesus. When I was in the Work I know I wasn’t experiencing first hand real life with Jesus. I could honestly say, ‘This is what Jesus did when He walked on this earth’ but I seldom could say, ‘This is what He does now.” Not too much to get excited about when you can only talk about a past tense Jesus.
Talking to Jesus about every part of my life, involving Him in every part of my life, seeing what He was doing there…now THAT is cause for great joy! Every time I lose my joy it’s because I’ve quit going through life with Him. I’ve quit being thankful for everything as a gift from Him. I’ve stopped depending on Him for everything.